What’s your “why”?
Photo of Apollo and I on the beach in CR 2025.
This first blog series of the interrogatory question starters comes to an end with “Why?”
Why do you keep putting one foot in front of the other? Why do you get out of bed over and over again? I find this question particularly important in dark times - socially or personally (or when the two dark times overlap).
The cover photo of this post features me with my furry son. I’ve thought long and hard about it, and I’d take a bullet for this dog. I love him so much. Just like I love my cats - RIP Athena and Fiore. His joy in the simple things in life keeps me hopeful. This photo was taken at the beach - a place he finds immense joy, even if he is also scared of the ocean sometimes - specifically big waves or the need to have to swim because the depth of the water gets too high. He first went to a beach right before his 4th birthday last year and you could see his wheels turning at this new experience. He was ready and cautious. In the same way, his smile, the big “tongues out, suns out” smile gets me out of bed. He gets the smile not just for special beach trips but also on his daily walks. It’s so endearing, even when I’m tired or feel like I need to rush between meetings, he is always happy to go on a walk. In the same way, when my cats would curl on top of me during tv watching, book reading, working on the computer, or sleep - that was a why to keep going and keep providing them a stable and loving home. Ultimately, their love and my love for them. Simultaneously, the deep grief I felt when loosing both cats was a testament to how strong the love was and is.
The same is true for the deep relationships (human ones) in my life. The bond between my husband and I is one that has felt and still feels like a love for the ages. That’s a big why for me. I grew up a child of divorce, and while I’m grateful that was the case for that particular relationship between my parents, I wanted a deep, strong loving bond with a romantic partner as an adult. That was one of the few “wishes” I had as a kid/teenager. Back then, my words for it were “marriage” and while I am legally married and happy to be, I think what I really desired was that strong bond, however it was defined on the outside.
Other whys are less specific to my own life and more global - the natural world. I’m writing this on a deck over the Caribbean Ocean at sunset as pelicans swoop to catch their fish dinner and the partial moon hangs overhead. Nature is a big why for me. Oceans, forests, swamps, deserts, mountains, rivers, you name it. I grew up with two parents who love nature - I watched a lot of PBS, including “Nature,” was recycling before it was “cool,” spent countless hours at the local zoo learning about various environments and animals, and spent time in nature through Girl Scouts, summer camps, and hikes with my Dad in my city and when visiting my Mom’s family out of state. The natural world has played a huge role in my life, and I seek it out through urban parks and traveling to beautiful natural environments.
The other list of why’s: delicious food and drink, good music (ABC- anything but country), dancing, being physically active (hello choice of profession:)), reading, learning through culture - art, music, dance, film, museums, travel, wanting to experience this one “wild and precious life” as Mary Oliver has been so quoted as saying in one of her most famous poems.
Admittedly, sometimes I get very down, very disheartened with the state of the world and the point of it all. My Aquarius and human rights loving nature do not let me turn away from the bad news. I can’t live in a state of obliviousness because there is so much suffering, much of it human caused, happening now and throughout history. The time we’re in is a poly-crisis, I really do believe that. It is heartbreaking. And, having a heart break doesn’t mean it can’t be mended or has given up, right? I feel a sense of hope deep in my gut, despite my head saying otherwise. This has been true especially lately - maybe it’s intuition? Maybe it’s madness? Who knows. Also, maybe in asking the question why there isn’t meant to be one clear answer? Maybe, Rainer Maria Rilke is right:
“And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
What’s your why? Email me!
